By now you’ve been working on your new year goals for at least a few weeks. You took the time to really think through your goals and your vision for this year and you were beyond excited. You’ve plugged everything into your new planner (the one you’ve been eyeing for years and finally splurged on) and are well on your way to your best year yet. While other people were putting ornaments on their Christmas trees, you were binge listening to your favorite gurus talk about their big plans and it got you completely pumped and inspired to push past your comfort zone. The safe life is not for you and this is the year you push through.
But at this point, you’ve probably already faced at least a little bit of resistance. The glitter of the new year has finally been swept away and now it’s just you and the work. You may be starting to doubt the goals you set and the plans you made as you encounter slow days more frequently and working towards your vision feels a little impossible. Some days feel like a grind and while you don’t mind hard work, it’s hard to keep your motivation up. You’re finding it harder and harder to keep up the pace you started and with each slower day where it feels like all you put out is total crap, how can you meet the deadlines you set?
The glitter of the new year has finally been swept away and now it’s just you and the work.
now it's time to stretch
It’s always hard getting a goal or new habit going, but at this point the doubt starts to creep in: maybe you took on too much? Maybe you don’t really want the goal bad enough? Maybe it’s just really not worth it. How do you know the difference between basic old resistance versus listening to your gut that you need to pivot versus needing a break? How can we possibly discern between these possible causes when we know that it’s always hardest to break through our comfort zone once the initial rush is over and the work requires commitment. I’ve heard it said that the difference between training and a workout is that training requires you to push through even when you don’t want to because it’s for a long-term goal. The same thinking applies to pursuing a new goal–if it were just fun and easy, it wouldn’t require us to show up when it’s hard. And if it’s a goal that pushes us to stretch (which hopefully it is!), then it will require us to act differently than before and to push through where the old version of ourselves might have quit.
At the same time, sometimes we set goals that really don’t belong to us–they belong to someone else. We can get caught up in other people’s ideas and excitement and then set goals that really aren’t tied to our life. It’s very easy to trust what other people value more than we trust ourselves, especially early in the days of building our own bravery. And when we are trying to push through a goal that is meant for someone else, we won’t have the internal strength we need because it’s not meant for us! There’s value in failing fast and knowing when to quit something that doesn’t serve you. Building your own vision requires that you trust your instinct and pivot when necessary–especially when the goal really isn’t something we even wanted. In spite of what lots of motivational quotes tell you, there really are many times when quitting is the best choice. And it’s better to know how to quit well so that you can quit more quickly and not waste unnecessary time, energy, and money on work that won’t serve you.So how can you hold yourself accountable to pushing through while still keeping the ability to quit when necessary?
We’re also not machines and may find ourselves needing rest and renewal. This is especially true when we set the bar higher than ever before. Olympians don’t just train hard–they have intensive and intentional rest and recovery as well. So if you’ve set goals that require intense periods of push through, you will likely also find yourself needing deep rest to balance it out and keep your energy sustainable over the course of the year. With all of this, how can we know when to keep going, quit, or just take a nap?
It all comes down to knowing your values
Knowing your values and your principles allows you to set goals based on those values which means you can be confident staying the course–you have your own personal why already mapped out in the goals themselves. Knowing your values helps you make better decisions and prioritize, even when under stress. Knowing your values increases your determination and your ability to set and uphold boundaries. You can have confidence that your plans will take you to your best year because you will be acting with integrity. So you can push, quit, or nap with confidence when you’ve taken time to understand what you are for and how your beliefs form your goals. If you haven’t worked through identifying your personal values, check out our values worksheet here.
It’s really easy to get caught up pursuing goals based on other people’s values–especially as people are planning for a new year. There’s so much excitement, fist pumping, and word choosing that it’s hard not to get swept up in the hype. With all the energy and beautified quotes, everyone’s goals become appealing. You might get caught up thinking “yes, I’m going to focus on my Instagram growth, too!” or “Building my list is my top priority, too!” Everything seems most important when it’s marketed by somebody riding the high of setting new goals. But just because something is a really good goal doesn’t mean it’s a really good goal for you.
It can be a good goal, just not for you
I want to share a story with you. My husband and I started dating in high school and he was in a really popular band. It was an incredibly talented group of guys and they ended up landing a record contract early into his college days. The thing is, it honestly wasn’t a super great offer. The amount of money was not a lot when split between recording fees and four guys plus it required traveling a large part of the year. But to get a record contract is every band’s dream!! It seemed impossible not to jump at the chance. But the more we talked, the more we realized we had dreams to be married and start a family. We really, really loved and liked each other and the idea of having a family that he barely saw just didn’t line up with our vision of the good life. So he went back to the rest of the band and suggested they wait for a better offer–one that allowed them more control over their schedules. The rest of the guys wanted to take the original offer and so after lots of back and forth, my husband left the band he had started. My kids cannot even believe this story–what is wrong with dad that he would pass up being a rock star?! As hard as it is to believe for lots of people, that life just truly wasn’t for him. He loves being a husband and father above all else and couldn’t imagine missing out on the gift of his four kids. And it all works out because he has a creative outlet through his jewelry business.
The point is, if he had signed the contract because that’s “what people in bands do,” he would probably be very unhappy now and would likely have missed out on what is most in line with his values–his marriage and family. Do you have any goals like that now? When you set your goals, did you check to see if the path to meet them as well as the intended outcome is in line with your values and your most cherished beliefs? Will these goals truly build a life you love and that brings you joy? Does your plan for pursuing your goals include the rest and renewal that you need? Are your plans in line with the way you want to show up in life?
If you haven’t already, I highly recommend that you look through your goals and make sure they are in line with your deepest values. If you can’t name your values, take some time to write them out. Trust me, it will save you the pain that comes when you find your goals (or someone else’s goals you accidently absorbed) have led you into conflict with your values (not to mention it makes prioritizing and decision-making much easier). Think through the outcomes you’re pursuing and compare them to the outcomes you would have if you lived out your values perfectly–are there any major gaps between the two? Don’t be afraid to revise or drop goals that aren’t going to help you show up as a principled person–remember, good goals are ones that serve you. When you set new goals, take the time to compare them to your values and principles.
